In my previous blog I talked about how I find shule (synagogue) a meditative experience.

Well after many years of staring down toward the Aron Kodesh (Holy Ark), I realised that the writing was literally on the wall.

Da Lifnei Mi Atah Omed – Know before whom you stand.

Although that expression serves as a reminder for people to remember that they are standing in G-d’s presence and should act accordingly, I have found myself borrowing it in many conversations I have had in the context of managing expectations.  Know who/what you’re dealing with.

The first time I became conscious of the expression ‘managing expectations’ was when I started my business, Perspective .  I needed to learn the importance of managing clients’ expectations when explaining to clients what we do for them and the outcomes they can achieve. We have to manage our own expectations when we rely on services from other people or organisations, particularly when we are dependent on them to support the services we provide and where our reputation is at stake.

However, what about managing our expectations when it comes to all sorts of other people that we interact with, not necessarily in a business context?  Our friends, our partners, our kids?  The public? And, what about the expectations we place on ourselves?

There have been many times over the years where I have felt disappointed or become annoyed about something.  When I actually stopped and analysed what it was that really made me so mad it wasn’t anyone else’s fault.  It was usually my own.  I set unrealistic or unfair expectations on others.  I allowed myself to  believe that others would do what I needed when I needed them to do it or I tried to be superwoman where even she’d have found the mission impossible.

There were many occasions where I’d come home on a Friday afternoon after a full working week and think that I’d walk into a house that looked/felt like Shabbos was imminent only to find the kitchen the way it was left that morning.  As if 3 teenage girls were thinking of cleaning the kitchen after school when they had to co-ordinate showers and hair straightening.  Yes, they gladly would have helped had I  asked them, but somehow I got distracted and forgot to tell them.  Didn’t they see the rubbish bins on the street after collection and think to bring them in?  Actually no.  Seemed obvious to me but they clearly didn’t see what I saw or, more importantly, what I wanted them to see.

Then there’s all the times I said Yes when I should have said No and how that impacted and stretched my capacity.  Something had to give and it’s usually the most important people or things in our lives that have to bear the consequence.

What about all those occasions when I’ve found myself questioning what the logic was behind a certain action or why someone reacted in a particular way in a situation.  Egomaniacs. Utility companies. Pretentious people and, my personal favourite – Morons.

I just remind myself, Esther, Da Lifnei Mi Ata Omed!  Know who you’re dealing with!  Instantly, whatever anger, impatience or cynicism I am feeling starts to dissipate and rather than be fixated on the issue at hand, I learn to let it go. It’s usually not worth it.

We see the world through our own eyes and expect others to see the world the same way. We all have different values and prioritise what’s important to us as individuals and find it hard to understand when other just don’t get it; even the people we love, know well and we expect, know us.

I’m very much a believer of live and let live so – a word of warning – if you’re going to have expectations of me without any discussion, you better know in front of who you’re standing  😉