Today is one of the proudest days of my life.  As I write this, my middle daughter, Hadassah, is on a Nefesh B’Nefesh flight from NY on her way to Israel making Aliyah.

I didn’t raise my children to make Aliyah their goal however, when your children attend a Jewish day school, are involved in Jewish youth movements, spend a gap year in Israel then dedicate the following 2 years to leadership in a Zionist youth movement (Bnei Akiva) and do 2 university exchanges and an internship in Israel then it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise when they announce to the family that they are permanently moving to Israel.

Many people have been very supportive of her move yet there have been equally as many people asking me how I feel about my daughter making Aliyah like I’m losing something.  There’s a tone of sympathy and pity in their voice.    I don’t see her moving as a loss and I find that attitude incredibly selfish and almost offensive.

It’s selfish because we Jews living in the Diaspora have another place in the world that we can move to virtually anytime we choose.  Our friends and relatives living in Israel don’t necessarily have the same choice, as don’t most people in the world, yet it’s the children already living in Israel that definitely don’t have a choice about having to defend OUR country so that we can exercise that choice when we want; and they do it with such pride.

Hadassah’s aliyah is huge achievement which deserves to be celebrated.  It’s an achievement on so many levels that I can’t be anything but proud.  Sure, I’ll miss her from time to time and it’s not the same when the family gets together and she’s missing but having your middle child live away from home also comes with benefits ;  (I can hear the Bubbas out there saying “wait until you have grandchildren”)

I have often said, and still do say, that certain things my kids have wanted or have done are not on my job description as ‘Mother’.  Providing them with shelter, a healthy home environment and a sense of confidence is on the JD but trips with friends, parties after a certain age, petrol and a host of other things do not fall on the mum-has-to-give-it-to-us-on-a-silver-platter list.  Tough love and frequent use of the word ‘No’ was my preferred parenting style.

When the kids were little and they’d start to ask a question and say Muh-um (whinge), I’d just say ‘No”.  They’d say, “but we haven’t asked the question yet”.  I’d respond, “I can tell by the way you said Mum that it’s a question where the answer is going to be No so I’m just saving time”.  “That’s not fair”.  “Alright, ask the question”.  “Mum, can we ……..”  “No, see I told you!”

I also used to say that by 25, married or not, I want you out.   “So you want us to pay dead money on rent”.  “Yep”.  “But you’re a financial adviser, that doesn’t make sense.  Wouldn’t you want us to save?”   Ha, it’s actually being an adviser that has allowed me to see that people who take responsibility with dead money (as opposed to dead people’s money) are also the ones that learn how to build good wealth for themselves over time.  But, I’m not just thinking of the money.  I’m thinking about all the life lessons you learn by taking responsibility, being independent and learning how to navigate life with a sense of confidence and resilience.  Sure, I’ll support my kids along the way a bit here and there but if they want something for themselves they have to find a way to make it happen.  I believe that it’s generally limiting or takes longer to adjust to adulthood the longer you are living at home.

So back to Hadassah, (who’s going to kill me for drawing attention to her – Sorry)  She made a decision and she followed through with it.  She set herself a goal with a time frame.  She was proactive, organised and committed.  She has worked, saved and navigated the bureaucracy to end up landing in Israel in a few hours with the status of being a new Oleh.  I didn’t do anything except throw her a party and I didn’t even do that myself.

She’s on a flight with 200 other people and doesn’t know a single person except that their souls are forever connected by undertaking this massive milestone together.

So today marks a significant milestone in Hadassah’s life and in my life as a parent.  My children are starting to leave home and I couldn’t be happier for them and happy for myself that I have reached this milestone.  I don’t want to relive my life through my kids’.  I want them to live their lives because I’m still not finished living my own.

The next stage of our lives present so many exciting adventures and I can’t wait to share them with all my children where ever we are in the world.  And let me add that I have reason to be very proud of the others, too.

Hadassah’s Aliyah has given me the opportunity to give Israel the greatest gift that I can do for her; greater than any financial donation.  Eretz Yisrael, I gift you one of my most beloved treasures.  I gift you a part of me, a part of all of Hadassah’s friends and family that she leaves behind in Australia that can’t yet be there.  I gift you her future contributions to Israeli life and society, her successes and simchas and, although she may have some challenging times ahead, I remain forever hopeful that in Israel she will always be happy, live a fulfilling life with purpose and remain safe, together with all our brothers and sister.

יְהֹוָה יִשְׁמָרְךָ מִכָּל רָע יִשְׁמֹר אֶת נַפְשֶׁךָ:  יְהֹוָה יִשְׁמָר צֵאתְךָ וּבוֹאֶךָ מֵעַתָּה וְעַד עוֹלָם:

The Lord will guard you from all evil; He will guard your soul.

The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from now and to eternity.